The party of ‘No’?

March 15th, 2010

A Conservative Estimate: By Garrett Scott

In my dealings and daily interactions I’ve consistently had to reconcile my political leanings with the age group I apparently belong to.

It’s not particularly fun to be a 22-year-old college student and a Republican. I’m constantly the “unenlightened one” whose politics are drenched with the blood-red saturation of a Kansas upbringing and little if no personal or critical thought.

The accusations are not true of course (so says the “unenlightened one”), but what about my party? I have never wanted to be a blind ideological protégé of my elder GOP counterparts.

Tea party member I am not, but the Grand Old Party has consistently teetered on sheer cliff of being only the party of “No” but more specifically the party of “Not if it wasn’t our idea first.”

Those who perpetuate the “party of no” mantra continually point to the recent health care debate as evidence of the Republicans as the negative Nancy’s in the room.

Fifteen years ago Republicans shot down health care by then First Lady Hillary Clinton and yet did nothing over those 15 years, as they grew in power, to get a grasp on the problem that they knew existed.

Now it’s “no” after inflammatory “no” to the concept of health care reform and even Rush Limbaugh says the health care system works just fine recently as he left the hospital with a luxurious health insurance policy in his pocket no doubt.

More understandable are Republicans who wish to break down the health care behemoth bill to smaller, more manageable and intelligent parts, but last week’s health care meeting seemed mum on specifics.

Democrats clamor that total reform is needed now – the battle cry of the inefficient – but then are given ammunition when Republicans, in a partisan fashion, object to points in the Democrat legislation they would otherwise espouse as their own.

Although they should not compromise on bills that are blatantly presumptive in cost, coverage and efficacy, as I’m afraid the current Democrat bill is, being the stubborn angry child in the discussion will hardly be effective in the long run.

Cardinal Newman once said, “To live is to change, and to be perfect is to have changed often.” A little game change and positioning may actually pan out for Republicans this fall and in 2012 if they are willing to suck it up.

Republicans may very well be the party of “No” and “Not if it wasn’t our idea first,” but with every naysay should be a rebuttal confident in the facts without inflammatory remarks and inaccuracies.

“No” is not an answer but rather a preamble.

Big B gets caught in an Irish brawl

March 12th, 2010
Bruce Behymer
OPINION: Drinkin’ In The Beer Garden with Bruce Behymer

“God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.” — Ed McMahon

“O’Malley, you RAT BASTARD!” I screamed.

The day started out innocently enough. I received a call from O’Malley encouraging me to join him at the fake Irish pub down the way. He hated the place, but the signs saying “Kiss me I’m Irish” were as close to home as he could get. O’Malley is a stout man and 70 years old. His parents came to our county in the 1940’s. His story is just like one Frank McCourt could have written, although less comedic and romantic. O’Malley has the stereotypical accent and bulbous nose. He carries some stupid stick he found in his yard and claims it’s his lucky shillaly from the old country. Small children and aging housewives love his embellished stories of leprechauns and rainbows. And the grand thing is, the more O’Malley drinks, the better his stories get.

The awful thing about O’Malley is though, after the women and children are gone, the ugly side of Irish drinking comes about. And having spent enough drunken nights with him, I knew that this night was going to get especially hideous. “Another round of Beamish” he barks at the waitress. She reminded him all they serve is Guinness here. That just made him angry. “It’s girlie drink you wretched beer slinging harpy.” I slipped her a ten and told her to ignore him. She stormed off and told me if he got any more abusive she would throw us out and call the police.

“O’Malley, you drunken Irish fool. We need to leave. You are going to get us thrown out of here and in jail.” He just laughed and threw peanut hulls at the businessman drinking coffee.

“You want to fight me you tie-wearing Nancy boy?!” Luckily, the business man knew O’Malley well enough to not talk back. He paid for his beer and tipped his fedora good luck to me. “I ought to kill the smug bastard for that.” He poured us another round.
About one minute after that little exchange, in walked three kids from the local junior college. They were burly youths wearing letter jackets. “Kiss my Irish arse you uppity queery pups. How about I kick your teeth down your throat?” It was then I began to ponder my life and why I indulge in such dangerous pastimes such as drinking with old men in fake Irish bars. I must admit there is a certain sense of glamour to my job, covering the bar scene and on occasion drinking with community socialites. Tonight though, this is the unpleasant side of my career, hanging out with crotchety old drunks who carry stupid shillaly sticks and taunt bar servers and make politically incorrect cracks at college kids who are three times the size of us.

It’s all wrong. I need to leave. I need to go home to my own bed and watch TV like a normal person. I need to be there now, screaming out the answers to the puzzles Pat Sajak throws at me. I don’t want to be here Pat Sajak. I want to be with you, solving puzzles for the win. Rat bastards!

I’m brought out of my daydreams of a living a typical life by the sound of a drunken angry college kid yelling at me to control my idiotic grandfather. It was then I decided to, as Mr. Burns would say, “Release the hounds.” I did this though by offering them a friendly game of darts.

This was an especially dangerous move on my part for several different reasons. It was 11 p.m. We had been there since 3 p.m. O’Malley is in the red zone drunk. He’s hit the level rarely seen by most mortal men his age (or any other for that matter). This added to the fact that he hates just about everyone. And really hates burly college kids with letter jackets. And then he really hates burly college kids with letter jackets and big mouths. And he hates darts. “Drink up, Alice, I’m buying,” he said to one of the endangered youths. They sat down and O’Malley started buying. Round after round. Dart throw after dart throw. We drank. I started to lose track of things. Time had no meaning. Where was I? Dammit! Where the frick is that Pat Sajak! Buy a vowel you rat bastard! I’d thought I would close my eyes for just a minute. Just get a second of peace in my scrambled brains. That’s when I heard the screams.

“O’Malley, you and your drunken lackey get your asses outta here!” the bar server lady girl yelled. “Get out or I am calling the friggen’ cops. Who in the hell is going to clean up this place up!? OUT!”

I woke up from what seemed like 10 seconds of rest and the whole place was in shambles. Broken glass and violence. Screams and teeth gnashing. One of the college kids vomiting in the corner while another was holding his testicles and moaning in pain. The largest one lay flat on the floor jabbering incoherently with a plastic dart sticking in his forehead. “O’Malley, you RAT BASTARD!” I screamed.

If you’re enough lucky to be Irish…
You’re lucky enough!
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

*If anyone reading this piece is offended by my depiction of the drunken Irish rat bastard O’Malley, please take note: My mother’s maiden name is Sagerty. So go feck yourself.

Technology helping Kansas farmers

February 17th, 2010

Photo by Todd Vogts

Advancements in technology are quickly evolving in an attempt to simplify and improve life, and a major part of life is agriculture. New technology is being utilized to improve and make agriculture more efficient. Mid Kansas Coop offers a wide range of technology to help farmers get the most out of their land.

Field Marketer Brook Mitchell said one significant form of technology being used by MKC is the Veris Rig.

The rig, which is pulled behind a tractor across the field, offers farmers a wide range of information that was not readily available before. The Veris Rig maps soil type variability, elevation variability and pH variability.

Mapping the soil type variability helps with determining higher versus lower yielding areas of the field.

“Low clay percent soil types can be lower yielding since they have lower water holding capacities and will cause drought stress earlier than higher clay percent soil types,” Mitchell said.

Elevation variability shows the highs and lows of the field and can expose drainage issues, resulting in lower yields.

Higher or lower pH can have a very negative impact on yield loss. To combat this, Mitchell said, by using the rig to map the pH variability, MKC is able to get a variable rate lime application map to apply lime at variable rates.

“We get the variability information by running this rig across the field in 60 foot swaths giving us soil type data every second and pH data every 7 seconds,” Mitchell said. “This data is brought into our precision (agriculture) software where we get the maps.”

MKC has been running the rig since November 2008 and has been offering farmers more detailed information about their land, making it possible to ward off potential problems. The producers that have utilized this information have been dryland to irrigated farmers.

“Dryland farms have been the main target for this rig, due to lack of lime being placed on the fields. And unlike pivots, they do not have water available to run across the service with high calcium loads in the water,” Mitchell said.

However, Mitchell said they have started to notice more pH variability on irrigated fields than previously thought.

“Some pivots that we would expect to have higher pH’s are starting to show areas of low pH’s — potentially due to lower calcium in the water than expected,” he said. “We have also seen tape irrigated fields showing lower pH’s (5.2), which might be attributed to the fact that the water is moving in 18 inches below the surface and the calcium can’t move readily up to the surface, which is causing a drop in pH.”

The response has been great with producers trying out this technology and seeing the benefits and signing up more fields to run.

Producers are also discovering that the data from soil type/elevation maps of the Veris Rig can be utilized with the data from the yield monitors on their combine to create yield zones.

“When we overlay the maps, we can create a pattern of higher yielding areas versus lower yielding areas,” Mitchell said. “By maximizing areas of high yield and reducing input costs in the areas of low yield, the producer can increase his return on investment.”

For producers that don’t have yield monitor information, Mitchell commented that the soil/elevation maps from the Veris Rig are a great source to start building information that will allow them to adjust fertilizer inputs later on.

Texting services keep watch over the markets

A simple yet effective form of technology available to MKC patrons is a texting service provided by Team Marketing Alliance that informs recipients of the grain markets. Three texts a day are sent out, one in the morning predicting what the markets are going to do, one in the afternoon as an update on how markets are doing and one after the markets are close to tell how they did.

TMA is working to improve and refine this service. Information Services Manager Matt Friesen said there will be some changes in the near future.

Right now customers can only choose to receive market updates from five locations, which may not be the location nearest them.

“They will be able to choose the location nearest to them,” Friesen said. “They will also be able to receive up to 10 texts a day.”

Customers will also be able to receive weather updates. Users will be able to manage their account themselves and make changes at will online.

Friesen said the texts are a helpful service to busy farmers.

“They can get up-to-date information immediately when they want it,” he said. “They don’t have to call in and ask what prices are doing.”

Increasing the number of texts from three to up to ten allows the recipient to be constantly updated on grain markets throughout the day.

“Prices are always moving,” Friesen said. “Having the information available quicker keeps the farmer constantly updated and they are able to view it anywhere they have their phone.”

Cell phones monitor fuel levels

Another form of technology being used by MKC to offer convenience and efficiency to their patrons is the use of cell phone monitors in fuel tanks in the country.

The cell monitors are used in areas where a land line phone is not available by the patrons who still want their fuel tanks monitored.

“The units are self contained monitors you install on top of the fuel tank that has a cell phone monitor built into the unit,” Terry Lambert, certified energy specialist said. “The monitors keep track of the fuel level everyday and report to CHS the inventory and order fuel to the tanks when necessary.”

CHS offers the monitors on a rental basis to MKC. Level Devil is the company that has the patent and builds the “Cell Monitors” to CHS specifications.

“Agreements are made by CHS and the different cell phone companies for block rates of cell phone minute use to keep the operating cost as low as possible” Lambert said.

After a testing period of six months in some of the worst cell reception areas in the MKC territory, an agreement to use the units was signed and MKC has been using them regularly for the last four years.

“The farmer doesn’t have to worry about fuel level, ordering fuel, and gets consumption billing,” Lambert said. “All the advantages are for the customer in this time of volatility in commodity markets.”

Lambert said the response from patrons has been positive.

“The customers like the units without having to worry about providing a land line phone in some remote areas of their farming territory where the cost is prohibitive,” he said. “They receive all the advantages RFD and land line monitors use.”

MKC Patron Kellan Kopfer has been using the cell phone monitors for about two years and said they seem to be doing the job well.

“Convenience of the monitors is what I like,” he said.

Kopfer switched to MKC because the supplier he had didn’t offer the service and he needed to manage his fuel costs better.

“It is pretty darn accurate,” he said. “I don’t really have to do anything, and I never run out. I’m pretty happy with it.”

– Stacy Goble

Low on cash, low on health? Take a run.

February 15th, 2010

A Conservative Estimate: By Garrett Scott

College life is a major conglomeration of so many horrible things. Stress, bad eating habits, little exercise, poor health practices and little cash top the list of things going against us.

When I first started college, I realized I needed to begin exercising to get in shape, stay healthy and relieve stress.

I began running. It ended up working great for me recreationally and athletically and with the help of eHow.com, a few medical papers and personal experience here’s a list of why it might work good for you too.

For the stingy, location locked and health-wise, running or jogging can be a win-win for your all your New Year’s resolution needs. And you don’t need to be some marathon runner to make it work for you in all the ways you need.

When it comes to issues of dollars and cents, running is particularly smart. A good pair of running shoes, which is the one necessary component, can be garnered for $50 or less if you shop in the right places.

And that’s about all the “specialty” equipment you’ll need (a MP3 player might be nice for the longer runs). Add a pair of socks and some loose athletic clothing, at Target or Wal-Mart for a steep discount, and you’re set.

But what’s most stunning is the immense health benefits gained from running or jogging. They range from the cardiovascular to helping with ailments like osteoporosis.

Running burns more calories than most other cardiovascular exercises; only second to cross country skiing according to some sources, and therefore is one of the best ways to lose weight.  Add in the help for your arteries and blood pressure and you’re flying high.

In fact, a study from the Stanford University School of Medicine showed that among regular runners, aging on the body and cardiovascular death were dramatically reduced along with death caused by other ailments.

The study cited running-induced leaner body mass among other healthier habits as helpers.

Running also can help stave off osteoporosis. The continuous, low impact can help strengthen bones and muscles by keeping them active.

When it comes to stress, and I can vouch for this personally, nothing beats the exertion of a nice jog around the block or sprint to street lamp. A run releases endorphins in the brain and can lower blood pressure while indulging you in a sense of accomplishment.

For the smoker, there’s hope with running. After months of a regular running regimen, many former smokers reported a return of their lung capacity and for non smokers an increase in lung capacity seemed to be the result.

If it doesn’t seem like a good idea, think about how easy it is to do. Very little equipment and you can do it nearly anywhere and as a student, the Heskett Center provides a nice, indoor, running oasis for those blustery Kansas days.

And the injuries? Don’t worry too much. A companion paper to the Stanford University Medical School’s study showed, in their 20 year study, running did not cause higher rates of osteoarthritis and lifelong runners needed no more knee replacements than non-runners.

Just be smart, know your limits, talk to your doctor if you have any special health conditions and set yourself on a path of health in your college years with the sweet elixir of a run.

Valentine’s Day trivia is fun, filling

February 12th, 2010
Bruce Behymer
OPINION: Drinkin’ In The Beer Garden with Bruce Behymer

“Without love, what are we worth?  Eighty-nine cents!  Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.”  –Hawkeye Pierce, from M*A*S*H

In a few days we will be celebrating the loveliest day of the year – Saint Valentine’s Day.  In honor of this grand day let me step away from the bar (not far away) for just a moment and share with you some undocumented Saint Valentine’s Day facts, trivia, thoughts and general drivel.

  • Valentine’s flowers should always be kept in a cool, dry spot in the home. If they are exposed to direct sunlight too often, their bulbs will have a tendency to dry out and die more quickly. When Valentine’s flowers begin to wilt, cut their stems from the arrangement and submerge in warm water to preserve longer.
  • Research suggests that 75 percent of suicide attempts are attributable to relationship problems.
  • About 3 percent of pet owners will give Valentine’s Day gifts to their pets. (These are the kind of people I make fun of.)
  • Many believe the “X” symbol became synonymous with the kiss in medieval times. People who couldn’t write their names signed in front of a witness with an “X.” The “X” was then kissed to show their sincerity.
  • 46 percent of Americans will exchange Valentine’s Day candy AND 7.67 percent of Americans are overweight or obese.
  • The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love.
  • Candy hearts taste like crap.
  • Over $1 billion worth of chocolate is purchased for Valentine’s Day in the U.S.
  • Men spend almost twice as much on Valentine’s Day as women do. (Really?  Duurrt.)
  • Famous Valentine’s Day birthdays: Thomas Malthus (1766), Frederick Douglass (1817), Jack Benny (1894), Jimmy Hoffa (1913), Hugh Downs (1921), Florence Henderson (1943), Carl Bernstein (1944), Tim Buckley (1946), Gregory Hines (1946), Jules Asner (1968), Rob Thomas (1972), Steve McNair (1973).
  • 15 percent of U.S. women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day (I did NOT know this).
  • More at-home pregnancy tests are sold in March than in any other month (This is good stuff right here).
  • Teachers receive the most valentines, followed by kids, mothers, wives and sweethearts.
  • In Japan, women are expected to give chocolate and other gifts to men on Valentine’s Day. This tradition was started as a marketing campaign by Japanese chocolate companies. Men are not off the hook, unfortunately. They are expected to return the favor on March 14th, commonly known as White Day.  (WTF?)
  • Famous Valentine’s Day weddings: The Captain and Tennille, Elton John and Renate Blauel, Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid, Jerry Garcia and Deborah Koons, and Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.
  • The 1929 Saint Valentine’s Day massacre was used as a plot device in the 1959 film “Some Like it Hot.”  If you have never seen this movie, you need to.  It’s damn funny.
  • In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who would be their Valentine. They would wear this name pinned onto their sleeves for one week for everyone to see. This was the origin of the expression “to wear your heart on your sleeve.”
  • And saving the best for last: Penicillin, a popular treatment for venereal diseases such as syphilis, was introduced to the world on Feb. 14, 1929.

Happy Saint Valentines Day and XXXOOO!